The Eating of a Frog

“Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.”

― Mark Twain

This is what I live by day by day. Ever make a list, whether mentally or written down? Ever look at that list and think, "Yeah, I'm not going to do that right now" on a couple of things and they never seem to get done?  Those are the frogs.

The frog that's been on my list is cleaning out my bedroom. It's the catchall room. It's my "safety" net. It's the one thing of my past that has been trailing me no matter how many times I've moved, across country or nearby. It seemed that when I moved into a new home I'd vow that this would be the time that I wouldn't clutter the bedroom, this time would be different, this time I would conquer the fear the boogieman left with me. Logically I know that the boogieman is no longer real in my life and hasn't been for about 20 years, but the one part of my heart that felt like I still had control of, the control of the fear of the boogieman returning, being prepared to entrap him in my mess I carefully created around me. That was what I lived in. That is what my husband has been very patiently living with. 

Well, ever since I started this blog a year ago, I knew that eventually I would have to eat that frog on my list and deal with the bedroom and the fear that went with it. I kept putting it off and putting it off, until finally with my in laws visiting (my mil is great at helping me declutter and get control of my life) and my husband home for a couple of days, I finally started to eat that frog.

It started off ok, my mil was giving me jobs and lots of encouragement as we went along, and as long as I focused on one bite at a time, I was slowly eating the frog. A couple of times I would look at the entirety of the frog I was eating and would start to get discouraged, but that was just my demons clinging onto me to bring me down. 

Now don't laugh... ok you can laugh, but I would put on Christmas music to help keep me in an upbeat mood. It soon turned into IZ, then Beach Boys, and before I knew it the frog was more that halfway eaten by the end of the day.

Back breaking work! My sciatica was acting up the next day, but I had no clutter on the floor, many bags of trash and giveaways out of the room, and a bit of invertigo from just how big the room seemed to be! 

Thing 1 comes in my room to see what I had been up to all day, and he kept saying "Wow! It's all clean! Look how clean it is! I'm so proud of you mom!" 

That made it worth eating the frog.

With his encouragement I finished eating that frog the next day. This time with new vigor and excitement! I knew the frog was almost eaten and I would finally be able to check it off my list for good.

It's now been two nights in a clutter free bed and bathroom, and though I'm still surprised with the space in the room and not having to dodge things, I'm also surprised that the fear I had been holding on to was not as strong that I thought it would be once the job was complete. Yes, it was still there, and even this morning it gripped my heart, but honestly it was for a moment before I realized that there is nothing to fear but fear itself and fear is just an emotional reaction of the unknown. This was something that has been unknown to me for 20 years. For most of my life. This feeling of having a clear space in my "hiding place" is completely new.

As I sit in my room, I look around and clear out the cobwebs in my heart and head. This is normal. This is what others have. This is healthy for me, for my husband, for my family. This is the final healing of my heart, my broken spirit. This is what God has been working on me for so long. 

My room is now a place of rest, not discomfort. A place of peace, not a place of ancient memories. It is my nest that I have carefully crafted with love and not with fear. 

I have come to the end of my journey with the boogieman. He has be conquered! He will not return in heart or home! I have vanquished the final battle and have won my war!

Praise be to God who has delivered me from evil. Who has taken what was meant for evil and turned it into good for His glory. Who has taken a broken and crushed spirit and not only healed but made stronger in Him. 

I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me;

Even the eating of a frog.

With Love,

Emily

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/stephaniemassaro/2384310118/">Stephanie Massaro</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>